To reward myself for having completed maths differentiation and graphical analysis's bloody thick stack of tutorials (and probably getting 40% wrong like usual but so what?), i decided to go online and blog "for a while", which will most likely be translated to forty something minutes given how darn good i am at rambling and digressing.
See, only the "intro" and i wrote four lines (as in in blogger's composing mode. dunno how many lines it will look like on my blog la. prolly 6?).
I wonder why the heck I couldn't do just that during CTs. Instead of staring blankly at the papers and start cursing life. Or teachers. Or both.
Well CT results were unexpected. No, it were bad, in an unexpected way. I screwed up maths and physics as usual (which is why i'm wasting half of my saturday doing maths tutorials - but like andrew said i wonder how long this drive to mug will last). But chem was a major heart attack. I mean it was not good. But i so didn't expect it to be SO bad. Like so eff-ing bad i completely blanked out when i saw my grade, not knowing what to say or think. It is my worst one so far and i was a chem student back in vietnam. Now what the F is this? Anyway i think i have tortured my friends' ears more than enough with all this cursing and stuff so let's just move on. (Save a major CT-ditching session until after i receive the other half of GP and, say wheee, history.)
Only went to school for three days and it felt like three weeks have passed. Friday was the only "early" day when i reached hostel at 6:30 - more like forced to because school closed at 6, a(nother) desperate measure by the school to make its students less studious and CCA-obsessed. Won't work out i am sure. Next week promises to be worse when the Korean students come (yes i examined the photos - there's only one who can be considered cute but screw that. We all know koreans-without-plastic-surgery are generally not very good looking with their single eyelids and stuff). I had a hard time deciding whether to opt out of the programme, considering i won't go to korea end of year anyway (Mom and Dad's 20th anniversary! and what does that spell? PARTIEEEEEEE!! with wine and good food and music and cute boys - not sure about the last one though. of course i will choose the party right xD). In fact i believe a considerable amount of my hair has bid me goodbye because of the stress created by this. But in the end, heck la. I decided to go with it anyway. I won't deny part of the reason is because i will get to slack (big time) during community service day (because my job is just to "bring the K. student around" and i have very much decided the place i'd bring him to: canteen), and there's free food - delifrance and more. My love for freebies have suddenly ballooned these days - prolly under Jo's influence. Or maybe because my relationship with my wallet has been deteriorating so rapidly it has declined to let me see money inside it nowadays. *sigh*
A big sorry to all those who have, secretly or otherwise, accused me of being insensitive because of CT results /: *sigh again* we all have different expectations and restraints put on us (like the fact that you know, i am a bloody scholar and so not proud of it), so our definition of "bad" might not be the same. Which is why i have been so careful about telling my grades to other people. But shit happened la. In the end you were upset and that made me feel bad and sad too!
The past three schooldays have got to be one of the most mentally exhausting days in my life.
Anyway amidst all that shitload of frustration and stress, some exciting things happened too! Which makes me wonder how shitty/suicidal my life in school would be if it only revolves around academics. There was SnT farewell on Wednesday. It wasn't the best party that we had (ohwells we are party animals ;D), wasn't as emo as i thought it would be (due largely to CT's shitty results for everyone) but there were nevertheless good food (as always), fun game and priceless moments. And the fact that it was the last time i would actually have a SnT session with you guys all the more made it so worthwhile. It's funny no matter how shitty (i do realize i use the word alot today! because its mild vulgarity? its better than if i use, like, you know..) my day has been i'm gonna grin from ear to ear once i get to see you guys. Desmond and his i-am-lost face,
will and his emo look, paul and mushroom hair, feiqing and piglet, lisha and colorful accessories, rong'en and hideous hairstyle, xiuhui and pink-ish stuff, yibo and his usual "how tall are you" question. Too bad woonpeng and his curly head and zhaowei and that annoying "i-don't-know-you!" stare weren't there. They say you only realize something's true value when you are going to lose it forever. Not say i'm going to lose you guys as friends, at least i hope not, but the thought of not having you guys to add fun and laughter and juicy gossips to my dull wednesdays is really saddening. You know you guys make up this huge vital part of my NJ life and what am i going to do without it? I'm going to feel lost during the next session because, admittedly, after all this while i still don't really
know the new people yet. It sucks to be an IP3 at times. You practically lived one and a half year with this batch of people and were supposed to love them. Which you did. And then after that one and a half year they are all going to leave you and a new batch of people comes in. And how are you supposed to love them with all your hearts?
And you know somehow i always felt so
protected as an IP2 until now. Like the way i was treated really made me feel like it was one whole huge family and i was the youngest. Maybe not only when it comes to bridge and i get slaughtered by woonipedia. Like how Yibo always calls me "Junior", and i will sulk refusing to respond. But deep inside, i really feel like a little kid who kept getting wowed by how incredibly smart and capable and nice and GREAT its sisters and brothers are.
I guess everything i wanted to tell you guys, i have written them all in those super long cards. It's funny how i am really bad at consoling people verbally and can get really emo in cards. HAHA xD
Ohwells, but like they say all good things have to come to an end. Another really memorable chapter of my life has closed and hopefully all the great memories i had with you guys will make me strong to be ready for anything that comes my way. It was a long ride and we faced bumps here and there, but i am so glad we survived it all and came out of this whole experience stronger a bit, more mature a bit and most important of all, closer together a bit.
Off track abit, what an emo song i'm listening to now :D - Here without you by 3 Doors Down :) But i'm not crying la (although for some reasons i am increasingly becoming a crybaby nowadays). I won't. Because i am stronger than i was when i first met you guys remember.
And i gave Jingjie a big hug during the handover. LOL. It was part of the event at first that everyone will have to hug their predecessors. Somehow everybody didn't do that and after i went up and gave you a really big hug, i could see jaws dropping and eyes popping. I was surprised that people were so stunt by it! (it wasnt meant to attract attention okay xD) come'on its just a hug la :D i can give all my friends one big one any time :)
That was really funny. The J2s were like "wah you not bad ah!" while the J1s were apparently uber surprised. And someone still commented on it on the next day. HAHA. See, you guys have your own way to make me smile :) Even now <3
